


Moments of Impact

by Hidge



Series: I And Love And You [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Family Member Death, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Long-Distance Relationship, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Possessive Behavior, Some angst, Unrequited Crush, marriage talk, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 18:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21306242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidge/pseuds/Hidge
Summary: A look at Tobin and Christen's relationship - from the beginning.Set to a very poppy playlist.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Series: I And Love And You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1585717
Comments: 75
Kudos: 551





	Moments of Impact

**Author's Note:**

> Been working on this forever honestly!

**I. Strangers**

_You got a heart that I know I can miss_

Tobin furrowed her brow as she settled into a sitting position on the sideline of the pitch and started to unlace her cleats. She ignored the excited chatter around her, all of “hey, how are yous” and “how you beens”, the sounds of her teammates catching up on each other’s lives since the last camp, and focused on the simple task at hand. When a ball wasn’t at her feet, she preferred not to multitask.

She had always loved coming to camp. She enjoyed any day where she spent the majority of her time playing soccer, but she even loved the bus rides from the hotel to the facilities, and living in hotel rooms out of a suitcase, and not making her own meal decisions. She loved spending time with her teammates, living together, eating together, playing games and goofing off, and spending way too much time in each other’s personal space. And she usually loved these catch up conversations and was eager to engage in them.

But today her attention was held by the lone figure still on the field. Christen Press – forward, Stanford grad, 2010 Hermann Trophy winner, playing club soccer in Sweden and scoring lots of goals – was walking around the pitch, at a leisurely slow pace, barefoot. She was new, this was her first call up to a national team camp, but Tobin knew exactly who she was, and not just because they had played against each other in college.

She felt _familiar_, and yet Tobin sat on the ground with a look of confusion on her face.

Press was good, if not she wouldn’t be here. She had quick feet and a great first touch, and she had a quiet, but confident presence on the pitch. Like all strikers Tobin knew, she wanted the ball so that she could put it in the back of the net. She had Carli’s desire, and Syd’s grit, and Alex’s intensity, and yet—

“What’s happening to your face? Why do you look so confused?”

She glanced up to see her friend, whom she had just been inadvertently thinking about, smirking at her. “Nothing, Alex,” she chuckled.

But Alex Morgan never gave up that easily. “What is it?” She questioned as she sat down next to her. She finally picked up on Tobin’s line of sight and prodded. “What? Is it Press? You don’t like her? She’s taking away your time with the ball?” She teased.

Tobin shook her head with a soft grin. “No, it’s just, I-I’ve never seen someone smile so much when they’re playing. Not even Kriegs,” she joked. 

Alex laughed before she responded. “So you don’t think she’s going to be competitive enough?”

Tobin shook her head again. She had seen Christen Press after the biggest loss of her college career, competitiveness certainly wasn’t the problem.

Alex nudged her with a shoulder and a mischievous grin. “Is it because it’s a really pretty smile?”

Tobin rolled her eyes and groaned. “No, Alex, stop.”

The dark-haired striker continued to laugh at her own joke. “Sorry, Tobs, but you kinda have a type.”

Tobin ignored her and simply muttered a “Whatever”. She didn’t think that she had a type, and even if she did, it certainly wasn’t smiley girls like Christen Press. 

But something about her made Tobin feel undeniably at ease.

_Time stands still and it's only us_

When Tobin couldn’t sleep, she had a habit of sneaking out of her hotel room and finding a place to juggle her ball until she felt tired again. There was a grassy patch next to the hotel parking lot and she decided that would do just fine. It was close enough that she knew she wouldn’t get in too much trouble if she was found out. 

Someone would say that it was just Tobin being Tobin.

She made her way outside in her sleep shorts, hoodie, and snapback, and quickly discovered that she wasn’t the only one plagued with wakefulness.

Christen Press was also outside in sweatpants and an oversized Stanford sweater, her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, and an expression of concentration on her face. There was a soccer ball between her legs and she was clearly working on her footwork.

“Can’t sleep either?”

Press looked up with wide eyes. “Oh, hi!”

Tobin could see the other girl worriedly chew on her bottom lip so she promptly added, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

Press’ shoulders relaxed before she let out a long sigh. “I’m still on Sweden time.”

Tobin nodded in understanding as she kicked her ball a little bit closer. “I get it.”

Press hesitated before she took a step forward and extended her hand. “I’m not sure if we were properly introduced today. I’m Christen.”

Tobin lazily shook her hand. “Tobin.”

“I know,” she answered bashfully. “Kelley talks about you all the time.”

Tobin wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to that so she fell back on the one thing that gave her confidence. “Do you wanna pass a little?”

Christen Press nodded eagerly. “Yes, please.”

Tobin smiled genuinely and kicked her ball towards the raven-haired rookie. And this felt strangely familiar too, passing the ball back and forth in silence while the rest of their teammates slept.

**II. I Like Me Better**

_I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause_

Christen definitely blushed from head to toe when she learned that she would be rooming with Tobin. She was grateful for her darker complexion that prevented her from being teased by several of her teammates. She was so obviously crushing on the talented midfielder that it was embarrassing. 

She had always been fairly aloof when it came to dating and even more so when it came to pursuing people that she found attractive. She had actually never asked someone out before. She had gone from a comfortable high school sweetheart to college, where she had been too focused on school and soccer, to a relationship in Sweden that had kept her from getting lonely a world away from her friends and family. She had never felt shy and giddy around someone.

This was a new feeling for her.

But there was something magnetic about Tobin Heath.

Christen had been in awe of her since college. Her technical ability was just astounding. She could do things with a soccer ball that Christen didn’t even dare to attempt. She had watched it on TV and seen it in person, and she was the most naturally talented player that she had ever shared the pitch with. When people spoke of God given talent, they were talking about Tobin Heath.

So Tobin’s skill and energy on the field was the first thing that she had been attracted to.

And then she had experienced the full force of that big smile and those brown eyes.

Christen entered her assigned hotel room nervously. No one was in the room, but there was a backpack and suitcase sitting on the bed closest to the door. She knew that it was probably a complete coincidence that Tobin had left her the bed by the window, but it made her stomach flutter regardless.

She unpacked a few things and then settled on her bed to journal for a little while. 

She was eventually interrupted by Tobin’s galloping and yell of “CP!”

She laughed as Tobin lifted her off of the bed and hugged her tightly, squeezing her waist with a playful groan.

Tobin bounced over to her own bed and started asking her questions about anything and everything since the last time they had seen each other. They definitely stayed up way too late talking, and Christen didn’t even mind. 

_I don't know what it is but I got that feeling_

For two polar opposites, Christen and Tobin made pretty perfect roommates. Christen was a self-proclaimed control freak and Tobin was one of the most laidback people she had ever met. She had feared that Tobin would be messy or a night owl, or something worse. Or the most mortifying option, Tobin would be annoyed by her strict routine, and planning, and general fussy nature.

But Tobin simply went along with her schedule, and smiled as she jotted things down in her agenda, and mumbled a “good morning” before she rolled over and went back to sleep when she woke up to do yoga and meditate.

Something about being around Tobin made her feel less anxious, more relaxed. 

Tobin’s on the field energy was electric, but her off the field energy was peaceful.

Christen knew that she wanted to stay around that feeling.

And they surprisingly had a lot in common. They were both very close to their parents and siblings. They were both soccer junkies – they studied, they watched, they practiced. They weren’t interested in the celebrity aspect of being an athlete; they didn’t shine under the watchful gaze of the media like Alex or Ali. They both liked to read. They both loved being outside.

Christen had always been told that she was a smart girl, she had a Stanford education to prove it, but she felt like an idiot around Tobin because she was just so infatuated. It didn’t matter if they were on the soccer field or in their room, she felt like she was stumbling through their interactions.

She didn’t understand how Tobin looked so good first thing in the morning, all sleepy and dishevelled. Actually, Tobin looked good all the time, in everything. Tobin looked good in baggy sweats and soccer shorts, and whatever else she decided to wear. It made her swallow and shyly duck her head when Tobin emerged from the bathroom. She was just effortlessly attractive and cool, something that Christen had never quite figured out.

The way that everyone around Tobin responded to her was proof enough. She was the kind of person that people wanted to be around. There was no shortage of friendships or invitations, which was why Christen was confused, and maybe a little hopeful, as to why Tobin decided to spend her free time in their room.

Tobin jumped on her bed after finishing in the bathroom. “What ya doing?” She asked with a smile.

Christen pulled her agenda just a little closer. “Just writing down some things I want to do tomorrow.”

“Like?” Tobin probed.

“Just normal stuff.”

Tobin laughed, “That’s not very specific.” 

Christen shook her head with a small laugh of her own. “No, it’s not. Just like yoga, coffee, that sort of thing.”

“So no big plans for our off day?”

“No,” she answered. “I was thinking that I would just focus on recovery, maybe go for a swim.”

Tobin played with the edge of the blanket beneath her before she asked, “Cheney, A-Rod and I are probably going to do something. Do you want to come?”

Christen desperately hoped that she wasn’t blushing. She opened her mouth to answer, but before she could say anything, Tobin’s phone started to ring. Tobin scrambled to answer it with an urgency that Christen had never seen before, and then her heart sunk at the offered greeting.

“Hey baby!”

Tobin had a “baby” because of course she did. Christen awkwardly looked away to avoid looking at the overjoyed expression on Tobin’s face. She was abruptly reminded why she didn’t ask people out, or develop crushes, because there was no worse feeling than rejection. 

It was a heightened form of losing, and she hated losing.

When Tobin looked up at her with a smile, she forced a smile back. After camp, she would go back to Sweden and only see the girl in front of her a few times a year, and it wouldn’t be a big deal. The way that she felt about someone had never come close to the way she felt about the game anyway, even in her most serious relationships. That was not going to change any time soon. She had soccer to focus on and not even Tobin Heath’s big smile could distract her from that.

**III. Everything Has Changed**

_Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before_

It happened during a team meeting. 

Tobin would never be able to articulately explain what happened. Nothing had changed that she could pinpoint. She had gone through her morning training camp routine like she had hundreds of times before. 

She awoke later than her roommate, Alex this time around, threw on sweats and a t-shirt, and left her hair down with a hair tie on her wrist. She had shuffled down to breakfast to preciously cradle her cup of coffee. She stood next to the pot in perfect silence with A-Rod, knowing that everyone would give them space until they were sufficiently caffeinated. She ate breakfast next to Cheney and Kling, and then she scrolled through social media on her phone. As was normal, she was one of the last people in the room for Dawn’s conditioning talk and, whether intentionally or otherwise, the chair next to Christen was left open for her.

Christen offered her a soft, “Morning”, her undivided attention already directed towards the front of the room as Dawn began to talk about how to stay fit and prepared moving forward.

Tobin turned to return the greeting and all of her words got stuck in her throat. Christen was sitting in the chair cross-legged in black leggings, her feet bare, with painted toenails. Her hair was still damp, evidenced by the water stains on her grey Nike t-shirt, and Tobin could just see it beginning to dry with its natural curls. She was wearing her thick, black glasses and she held a mug of coffee with both hands. She somehow managed to look casual and comfortable _and_ prim and proper.

Christen Press was both unbearably adorable _and_ agonizingly sexy. 

This wasn’t necessarily new information for her. Of course she had noticed Christen’s good looks before. It was impossible not to, the woman was objectively attractive – all dark, glossy hair, long legs, and flawless skin. There was a reason that she was teased with the nickname Pretty Pressy.

But it didn’t feel like she was simply admiring Christen’s obvious beauty this time. It felt like she was putting glasses on for the first time and seeing the subtle differences between the trees in her backyard.

(_“Mom! All those leaves are different colours!”_)

Tobin spent the entire meeting, and the rest of the day, distracted. All that she could think about was green eyes, and caramel skin, and her friend’s pretty smile.

“Dude!” Kelley yelled as she lobbed a ball at her.

Tobin shook her head as she let the soccer ball bounce off her chest. “What?” She asked dumbly.

“What’s going on with you? You’ve had this stupid look on your face all day.”

Tobin stared at the ball at her feet as she juggled it mindlessly. She kept her gaze downwards in the hope that the defender would not see the blush on her cheeks. “Just thinking,” she muttered.

“About what?” Kelley pressed.

Tobin discreetly angled her head and looked across the pitch where Christen was passing the ball back and forth with JJ, her Red Stars teammate. “I just… I-I uh… I’ve been thinking,” she struggled, “all of a sudden… out of nowhere I… I can’t stop thinking…” She finally raised her head and stared at the quizzical expression on Kelley’s face, head tilted and brow furrowed.

Tobin’s eyes slowly scanned the field and she abruptly closed her mouth, and she gave herself a moment to think about exactly what she was about to say. What the hell was she thinking? She was currently sharing a field with her teammates who were all focused on playing and winning. They were getting ready for the _World Cup_. This was her job and it was the game that she loved. This was her _life_.

She couldn’t let anything threaten that. She didn’t have time to think about anything but football. It was her responsibility, her duty, to give everything she could on the field for these women. She had to focus on winning. She didn’t have time to moon over her friend, her _teammate_, like a middle schooler with a crush.

“Nothing,” she finally finished in a mumble. “Nothing.”

It really didn’t matter that she could no longer look at Christen without her stomach aching and her mouth running dry.

It had come upon her so suddenly that it was bound to go away just as quickly. 

Besides, she had a girlfriend…

_I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time_

“Okay,” Kelley began with a groan loud enough to be heard over the music and noise of a celebrating locker room. “You have to stop.” She punctuated her statement with a shove that almost sent Tobin tumbling to the ground. “I didn’t say anything before because we had a World Cup to win, but now…” 

She gestured around the locker room at their teammates singing, dancing, and yelling in pure joy. She understood Kelley’s obvious point, but she didn’t understand what she was really trying to say. Tobin leaned in so that she could be heard. “What are you talking about, Kel?”

Kelley placed both of her hands on Tobin’s shoulders and locked eyes with the taller girl. To anyone around them it would look like they were having a drunken heart-to-heart, a scenario not uncommon after a victory of such magnitude. “Tobin Heath,” she began, “you’re one of my best friends and I love you, but you _have_ to stop staring at her.”

Tobin swallowed and offered a small nod. There was no point in denying it or asking for clarification on who they were talking about. Without permission, her eyes found the woman in question on the other side of the room.

The defender’s hands found her cheeks and kept her gaze from straying any further. 

“Tobin,” she spoke, her voice surprisingly soft, “you have a girlfriend, and I know you’re not doing it intentionally because you’re so kind, but you’re leading Christen on. It’s not fair.”

Tobin initially felt a wave of guilt, and she was embarrassed by how quickly that feeling was replaced with curiosity and something that felt an awful lot like hope. “I’m leading her on?”

“Tobs, have you ever stopped staring at her long enough to notice the way she’s staring back?” 

_Your eyes look like coming home_

Tobin considered it to be serendipitous that she was assigned to room with Ashlyn for the Victory Tour. The goalkeeper was one of her oldest friends, and possibly the only person in the world that could understand all of the thoughts racing through her head right now.

Ashlyn gave her limited time to wallow before she brought a pillow down onto her face.

“You know a Victory Tour is supposed to be a lot of celebrating, and drinking, and having way too much fun, right? Not sitting on our beds with puppy dog eyes and a pouty bottom lip?”

“I know,” Tobin agreed.

“Then what could possibly be making a World Cup champion sad right now?”

Tobin slowly sat up on the bed and tossed aside the pillow that Ashlyn had thrown at her. She didn’t want to voice the thought out loud, but it was so hard keeping it in. She couldn’t talk to Kelley about it because Kelley just wanted her to get over it, because that was the healthy thing to do, and nobody else knew. She couldn’t tell her Mom or her sisters because they would ask her if her and Shirley had broken up, and they hadn’t.

She just couldn’t stop thinking about another woman. A teammate. A friend. The prettiest girl that she had ever seen. 

“How did you know you wanted to be with Ali?” She finally asked in a mumble. “That it was worth it?”

She turned her head to see Ashlyn’s reaction, raised eyebrows and wide eyes.

“Well, it was hard. Distance is always hard.”

Tobin figured that Ash would think that she was talking about Shirley, which made her feel even more sheepish. “Um, not the distance,” she whispered, “more like the whole teammate thing.”

Ashlyn heavily sat down on the bed and breathed, “Woah.”

Tobin winced. “Yeah, can we not talk about the specifics?” Ashlyn nodded eagerly. “So how did you know?”

“I might be the wrong person to ask about this. I always knew that I wanted her,” Ashlyn explained slowly. “She was the one that was a little hesitant, worried about other things like distance, and being distracted from soccer, and being out. But I saw those brown eyes for the first time and I was hooked.”

Tobin sighed wistfully and ran a hand through her long hair. “I am so screwed.”

“Yeah, you are,” Ashlyn agreed. “Because Christen’s eyes are really pretty.”

Tobin groaned and fell face first onto the bed.

_All I know since yesterday is everything has changed_

“What’s the big smile for, Tobs?” Her mother asked with an excited grin.

The youngest Heath girl shook her head with a laugh. “I’m always smiling, Mom.”

Cindy persisted with a bright smile as she playfully poked at one of the lines around her mouth caused by her daughter’s overwhelmingly joyous smile. “But this smile is special. What’s got you smiling like that, Tobs?”

Tobin continued to shake her head. “It’s my 100th cap dinner, Mom!”

Her mother nodded, but Tobin could tell that she was not fully convinced. Her mother had always had a nose for this kind of thing, and she was doing her best to keep her off of the scent. She was trying to play it off like she was just enjoying soccer, and hopping from friend’s couch to friend’s couch, and hanging out with her friends. She was focusing on all of the good things in her life – she wasn’t missing her girlfriend that lived in France and she was not, absolutely not, pining for Christen Press. 

Christen, who had somehow, through all the changes in Tobin’s life from retirements, and growing families, and expansion team trade rumours, become the one person that she could count on. Christen didn’t force her to talk when she didn’t want to; she had a way of helping Tobin with her thoughts that wasn’t pushy or overbearing. She never tried to “figure her out”. Christen just let her be.

She liked that a lot, as if she didn’t already like almost everything about Christen.

Her eyes instinctively found her friend, across the room amongst a group of her cousins. She had a glass of white wine in her hand and her head was tossed back in laughter, and she looked unfairly pretty.

But Tobin supposed that Christen always looked like that.

Unfairly pretty.

Tobin slowly tilted her head as she watched Christen laugh again and reach out to grasp her cousin’s forearm. Christen was physically affectionate, she loved hugs, she spoke with a flirty lilt to her voice; always communicating through light touches, big smiles, and hand gestures. She loved it when all of that attention, that singular focus, was directed towards her. Towards others? Not so much.

She had forgotten that her Mom was still sitting beside her until she spoke in her ear again. “Where did the smile go?”

Tobin shook her head in confusion. “What?”

“You’ve always worn your heart on your sleeve, Tobs.” She paused before she asked, “What’s going on?”

“I just remember telling him not to hit on her,” she joked as she gestured towards her cousin.

Cindy frowned as she tucked a piece of hair behind her daughter’s ear. “Oh Tobin.”

Tobin could tell by her mother’s voice that she had figured it out. “Mom, she’s like my best friend. It’s not… it’s not like _that_.”

“Sweetie,” her mother cooed, and she knew that there was no talking her out of it now, even if she had been wrong. “I could see it, you know,” Cindy added after a pause. “The two of you together.” She explained it patiently as her daughter looked at her contritely. “But you need to figure out what you want first, like an adult, Tobs.”

Tobin nodded confidently. “I know, Mom. I know.”

**IV. Sugar We’re Going Down**

_I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear_

Christen was the kind of woman people looked at, a lot. In coffee shops. In restaurants. In bars. As she walked down the street. She was the kind of woman that people stopped and took the time to notice.

Tobin had noticed this before, but it was a completely different dynamic now. It was hard to watch people ogle her all the time. It was hard to keep herself from entwining their hands, or kissing her cheek, or wrapping a possessive arm around her waist. It was hard to keep herself from doing something that blatantly let the world know that Christen Press was hers. 

The biggest problem with that was that Christen _wasn’t_ hers; in fact, Tobin belonged to someone else and yet she still felt this way.

The truth was that Tobin was not a jealous or possessive person. She just wasn’t. She had never felt like this before in her life, and yet, her fingers twitched with annoyance and irritation as she watched some doofus, who had thrown his football a little too close to where Christen was reading her book, talk to her with a stupid grin on his stupid face.

Tobin furrowed her brow and wrinkled her nose in annoyance. “What is he doing? He has his stupid football back.”

Kelley scoffed, “Come on, Tobs, he’s chatting her up. Let Pressy have her fun.” 

Kelley watched the exchange in amusement that was not shared by her companion.

“Stanford was like this,” she shared obliviously, “we couldn’t take her anywhere without her getting hit on. I think everyone on campus wanted to sleep with her. But can you blame them?” Kelley laughed loudly before she turned her head to face the woman sitting beside her. Her smile instantly fell at the surly look on Tobin’s face. “Tobin! You told me you were over your little crush or whatever. You two are really good friends.”

“I am,” she lied as she mindlessly played with the sand beneath her. “And we are friends.” Tobin paused before she jumped to her feet. “I’m gonna rescue her.”

“Tobin, don’t,” Kelley warned. “Until she looks back here, she doesn’t want to be rescued. She just wants to flirt.”

“I’m just gonna see.”

“Well, this will be good,” Kelley said to herself sarcastically.

Tobin skipped up behind Christen and playfully grabbed her waist to announce her presence and Christen yelped in response, her body involuntarily jumping at being startled.

“Oh my gosh! Tobin! Don’t do that!”

Tobin smiled, big and wide, before she casually swung her arm around Christen’s hips and let her thumb hook through one of the belt loops on the girl’s jean shorts. The action looked familiar and affectionate, and totally possessive. “Sorry, Chris, I couldn’t resist.”

“That doesn’t sound very sorry,” the guy standing across from them joked feebly. 

“Oh hey,” Tobin greeted him flippantly, pretending that she had just noticed him standing there. “I’m Tobin.”

“Dan,” he replied with a small wave. “I was just telling your friend, Christen, that the bar down the beach has a great happy hour.”

Tobin reflexively pulled Christen just a little bit closer. She had to tamper down a smug grin when Christen was the one to offer an excuse, even if it was true.

“We can’t drink, and we have a curfew. Sorry.” 

After the obligatory “oh, we’re professional athletes” discussion, Tobin led Christen back to Kelley and the three of them slowly meandered back to their hotel. She ignored the look that the defender was giving her as she walked close to Christen, their arms occasionally brushing against each other as Tobin fought the overwhelming urge to hold her hand.

Tobin followed Christen all the way to the room that she was sharing with Moe. She smiled as the dark-haired woman turned to face her with a questioning expression.

“Did you have fun today?” She asked.

Christen nodded slowly. “Yeah, Hawaii is beautiful.”

Tobin rocked back onto her heels, a smile still on her face, as she looked at Christen’s sun kissed skin. She smelled like sunscreen and the ocean, two of Tobin’s favourite smells, and she just looked so pretty with her hair falling out of her ponytail and her shirt still a little wet from her bathing suit. 

Christen sighed, in what almost sounded like frustration, as she leaned against the doorframe. “What do you want from me, Tobin?”

Tobin smiled easily. “I don’t want anything from you, Chris.”

Tobin had meant it in a romantic ‘I only want what you’re willing to give me and I want to give you the world’ kind of way, but she could see from the way that Christen’s entire body deflated that it was precisely the wrong thing to say.

“Okay,” she exhaled.

Tobin’s stomach churned uncomfortably. “Wait, Chris, hold on.”

Christen turned to her expectantly, her hand on the door knob. Tobin opened her mouth to speak again when the door beside them opened and Ali stepped out with a bright smile.

“Perfect timing, Tobs! I just said goodnight to Ash.”

The interruption, and Tobin’s hesitation, gave Christen just enough time to slip inside her room with a quiet goodnight. Ali walked back to her room, not knowing what she has just interrupted, and Tobin pressed her forehead against the wall beside Christen’s door.

She was really screwing all of this up. If she wanted to be with Christen then she needed to tell her, and if she wasn’t happy with Shirley anymore then she needed to break up with her. 

With a huff, she pushed herself off the wall and returned to her room to pray.

**V. Underneath It All**

_You're really lovely_

Christen felt like such an idiot; worse than that, she felt desperate and humiliated. She had been following Tobin Heath around like a puppy dog since her first call up and it was clear that the older girl never had been, and never would be, romantically interested in her. She had cried about it, she had given herself a pep talk about it, she had even cried to her sisters about it and listened to their pep talks. She was ready to move on.

So why the hell did she say yes when Tobin asked her if she wanted her jacket because it looked like she was cold? And why did she say yes when Tobin offered to walk her back to their hotel while the rest of their group continued club hopping?

Christen pondered these questions, and her own stupidity, as she and Tobin walked silently along the streets of New Orleans.

“So what are your plans now that the Tour is over?” Tobin asked to break the surprising quiet of the night.

“I’m just going to go home for a little bit,” she answered. “I need to reset. Rest and relax.”

“Miss your dogs?” The midfielder asked with a grin.

“So much,” she laughed. “I can’t wait to cuddle with them.”

Tobin kicked at a rock on the sidewalk before she said, “Maybe I can visit you? In LA?”

“Sure,” she answered easily. “I’m sure A-Rod and Whit would love to do something.”

“And what about just the two of us? Could we do something?”

Christen stopped walking and turned to face Tobin. “Like what?” But Tobin just shrugged. “You’re so confusing,” she whined upon processing the gesture.

“I’m confusing?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed. “You’re so confusing. Sometimes you look at me like… you know what?” She sighed. “Never mind.”

She started to walk forward again and Tobin quickly chased after her.

“Look at you like what, Chris?”

But Christen just kept walking. This really wasn’t a conversation that they needed to have. Not now, not ever.

She gasped when she felt a tug on the sleeve of the leather jacket she was wearing and she spun around to face a Tobin who was looking at her with wide, wild eyes.

“Look at you like what, Chris?” She demanded. “Like you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen? Like I can’t stop thinking about kissing you? Like I imagine what it would be like to wake up next you? Like I hate myself for wanting you so badly? Yeah,” she exhaled loudly, “I look at you like that a lot.”

Christen stared at her in shock, with wide eyes and a slightly gaping mouth. She stepped forward slowly and curled her fingers around the collar of Tobin’s white t-shirt. She pressed their foreheads together and inhaled deeply. All of a sudden, Tobin’s mixed signals made a whole lot of sense. She hadn’t been reading their entire friendship wrong – they weren’t just friends, probably never had been.

Underneath all that cool bravado, Tobin was really into her.

“Tobin,” she breathed. “I’m going to kiss you unless you tell me not to.”

Tobin cupped her face and brought her even closer. “Kiss me, Chris, please.”

**VI. Dress**

_All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting_

Christen was not the kind of girl that had sex on the first date. She liked to play a little coy, a steamy goodnight kiss at most, but nothing more than that.

But she didn’t consider her first date with Tobin – a low-key dinner at one of her favourite restaurants, a walk on the beach, ice cream, and hours of conversation – to be a true first date. After all, they had known each other for years. Christen had thought about _this_ for years.

With their lips still attached, Christen pushed Tobin into the bedroom of her Los Angeles apartment. Tobin’s fingers tightened on her hips and it made her groan. This all felt very surreal, like she was in a bit of a daze, and it made her kiss Tobin even harder.

Tobin pulled back with her brow furrowed in concern. She gently placed her hands on the raven-haired woman’s wrists and traced them up her arms until she cupped her elbows. “Is something wrong, Chris?”

She shook her head. “I’m just… this all feels…” She struggled to articulate her feelings and she knew that she was not easing Tobin’s worries. “We’re not going too fast, are we? We’re not going to ruin this?”

Tobin answered her confidently. “I don’t think we can. I think we can only make it better.”

Christen bit down on her bottom lip and sighed dreamily. Tobin always knew just what to say to put her at ease.

Tobin continued to smile as she slipped her hands around Christen’s waist and pulled her body closer, just like they were hugging for a goal celebration. “We don’t have to do anything,” she murmured against a caramel skinned cheek. “We can just talk and cuddle.”

Christen stepped out of Tobin’s embrace and walked back towards her bed. In a lot of ways, it would be easier if they didn’t go any farther than kissing. It would certainly make things less complicated. They wouldn’t have to worry about potentially awkward team dynamics or living in two different states, or anything that could get messy.

But the truth of the matter was that she didn’t want to be just friends anymore. She had been crushing on Tobin Heath for far too long. She was _done_ being friends. That’s what their kiss in New Orleans had said.

She could see Tobin’s eyes widen in concern as she increased the space between them. She stayed rooted to her spot near the door, but her body language screamed that she wanted to lunge forward.

Christen reached behind her and grasped the zipper of her dress. She pulled it down slowly and then let the dress pool at her feet. She stepped out of the fabric and looked up to find Tobin just _staring_. And it made her feel hot all over. This wasn’t sports bras and spandex in the locker room, or a glimpse of skin while they shared a hotel room. This was deliberate. They had gone on a date, and Christen was wearing a set of her sexiest underwear, and she wanted Tobin to get under the sheets as quickly as she physically could.

“Chris,” Tobin groaned, “God.”

“Come here,” Christen murmured so softly that she wasn’t sure if Tobin even heard her.

But she was instantly at her side.

Tobin slid one arm around her waist, her hand palming bare skin, and the other slipped into her hair so that she could cup the back of her skull as they kissed. “You’re so beautiful,” she muttered. “It’s kind of unfair,” she added with a chuckle.

“Unfair?” Christen asked with an arched eyebrow.

Tobin nodded in confirmation. “It’s hard to concentrate on anything with you always looking, well, like that.” 

Christen buried her face in Tobin’s shoulder and giggled shyly. “You’re sweet.”

“I’m sweet, but I’m easily distracted.”

Before Christen could question her on that, Tobin pulled her into a deep kiss and walked her back towards the bed until she felt the comforter touch the back of her knees. She was eased into a sitting position and then Tobin was kneeling on the floor between her legs, their lips still attached. Christen pulled away from a series of hot, breathy kisses, but was not granted a reprieve as Tobin began to kiss and nip at her throat. She tangled her hands in light brown hair that always seemed to look good with virtually no maintenance, and allowed Tobin to explore.

“Tobs,” she whispered, “talk to me, please. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Tobin hummed against her clavicle, her tongue flicking out to run over the prominent bones. “I’m just thinking about you,” she murmured. “Your skin. Your hair. Your eyes.” She pushed her nose against Christen’s throat and inhaled deeply. “God, you smell so good.”

Christen shivered as Tobin’s fingers faintly traced the outside of her thighs. For someone who claimed to be easily distracted, she seemed intensely focused at the moment. Tobin played with the waistband of her grey lace panties as they kissed softly and teasingly nudged noses. 

“I like these,” Tobin said, commenting on her underwear. “They’re nice on you. Can I take them off?”

Christen placed both of her hands on Tobin’s cheeks and kissed her soundly. “It is really hot that you asked. Yes, yes you can.”

She rested her weight on both of her hands so that she could arch her hips off of the bed, and Tobin eagerly appreciated the assistance.

(Christen missed Tobin slipping the undergarment into her back pocket, but she would shyly fess up in the morning.)

The raven-haired girl opened her mouth to ask Tobin to join her on the bed when she was pushed onto her back with a firm hand on her belly. “Oh,” she gasped when she felt a gush of breath on her centre. There was something incredibly arousing about the fact that Tobin was kneeling at the foot of the bed, on the carpeted floor of the room, fully clothed, while she laid splayed on the bedspread. 

Tobin didn’t tease her for very long, not after Christen made a show of arching into her mouth and tugging on her roots. She tangled a hand in her own hair as Tobin’s tongue expertly worked against her.

The midfielder raised her head and kissed just above where Christen wanted her attention most. “Stay still, baby,” she spoke huskily.

The unintentional term of endearment made Christen shudder and wrap a leg over Tobin’s shoulder. “Tobin,” she whined, “please.”

She was not above begging. She could barely remember the last time that she had sex so she was feeling a tad impatient, to say the least.

“Tell me what you want, Chris.”

She answered quickly and confidently, “I want you to make me come. I want you to talk to me. I want to get my hands on you.”

Tobin swiftly, and agilely, moved above her and wrapped an arm around her waist to lift her to the top of the bed so that their legs didn’t hang off the edge. Tobin pushed wayward hair off of her forehead and kissed her sharp cheekbones.

“Open your eyes, Chris,” she whispered.

Christen’s eyes fluttered open as she gripped Tobin’s sides beneath her t-shirt. Tobin smiled, big and wide, the kind of smile that always made Christen’s stomach flip. 

“That’s better,” she muttered happily as she ran her thumb along Christen’s bottom lip. “I wanna look into those pretty green eyes when I make you come.”

**VII. Call You Mine**

_You said, "Hey, whatcha doing for the rest of your life?"_

Christen pressed her face into Tobin’s shoulder to contain her giggles, but it wasn’t exactly working.

“Chris, come on,” Tobin scolded in a whisper. “You have to be quiet. There’s no way I’m getting caught having snuck into your room like a horny teenage boy.”

Christen smirked, “That sounds really accurate actually.”

Tobin’s fingers dug into her sides again and it had her squirming and suppressing another string of giggles.

“Stop, Tobin, stop,” she begged breathlessly. “You know I’m ticklish.”

Tobin leaned down until their foreheads were pressed together. “And I know it kinda turns you on,” she husked.

Christen opened her mouth to protest, but then Tobin decided to distract her by pushing her panties down over her hips. Christen arched her back to assist and then wrapped her arms around Tobin’s broad shoulders to pull the length of their bodies flush together. 

It had killed them not to kiss or touch all day and they needed this, even if it did feel a tad sneaky and childish. They weren’t telling Christen’s parents, yet, but they couldn’t stay away from each other for even a night. Their relationship was too fresh, too new, too exciting. Tobin had done her best to stay in the guest room and be good… sorta.

“Tobin,” she whispered into her darkened childhood bedroom. “Please.”

“I’ll make you happy. I promise.”

Christen swallowed loudly because it was clear that Tobin wasn’t just talking about sex.

But the cheeky brunette didn’t let the moment get too heavy. “Can you be a good girl and be quiet for me?”

If Tobin couldn’t see the way her pupils dilated, she could sure as hell feel the shiver that raced down her spine. They really hadn’t done this enough for her to have already figured out all of the things that made Christen’s knees weak and breath hitch, but Tobin Heath had always excelled at things that she was interested in.

And she was very interested in everything about Christen Press.

She pushed Christen’s t-shirt up over her breasts and Christen wriggled out of it as Tobin lavished open mouth kisses all over her abdomen.

Tobin had been generous their first night together, but she really liked to tease. Christen just looked so sexy when she was worked up, all breathless and begging. So Tobin dove between her legs only to bring her to the very edge and then pull away to kiss her thighs, stomach, and hipbones.

She did that three more times before she finally let Christen come, a pillow over her face to muffle her scream. 

Tobin spent more time biting and licking the delicate hipbones in front of her as she heard Christen fight to catch her breath. She sucked hard on the taut skin, surely leaving a mark behind that she would marvel over in the morning, and she grinned to herself. She loved every inch of Christen’s petite, athletic body, but she was definitely starting to favour certain parts, and her powerful, feminine hips were certainly worthy of her attention.

Tobin finally slid up Christen’s body when she felt a gentle scratch on her shoulder.

“God, Tobin,” Christen gasped. She stretched both of her arms above her head like a lazy cat. “That was fantastic.”

Tobin grinned before joining their mouths again. “You were so good,” she muttered. “And you taste so good.” She licked into Christen’s mouth before she spoke again. “I should tiptoe back to my room.” She pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead before she started to slide out of the bed. “Goodnight, beautiful.”

Christen fisted both of her hands in Tobin’s t-shirt and held her in place. “Hey, no, stay,” she practically whined. She joined her hands behind Tobin’s back and tangled their legs together. “I want you to stay,” she said in between kisses. “Stay and cuddle me. I’m naked and cold now.” She put on an exaggerated pout for good measure.

Tobin sighed with a grin. “You’re making this very difficult.”

“Good.”

“Chris, what about your parents?” Tobin settled on her side, the front of her body perfectly curled around Christen’s back. Her fingers slowly trailed down Christen’s side to her hip, over her ribs, and back up again. “I would rather talk to them than have them find me like this.”

Christen’s family loved her fiercely, that was undeniable, and they had always supported her. But that support had always come at a price. She remembered Christen telling her the stories, not bitterly, just matter-of-fact. Her parents had pushed her to do well in soccer once they saw how talented she was. Mediocre simply wasn’t good enough for that level of talent.

Two hundred shots on goal. One hundred with the left. One hundred with the right. Every. Single. Day. 

Expectations were very high in the Press household, in every facet of life.

And if Tobin wasn’t a professional soccer player, she wasn’t sure if she would meet those very high standards. She was really just an awkward, bumbling beach bum that treated her soccer ball like another limb and couch surfed when she wasn’t in training camp. She had hated school, and she hated getting dressed up, and she hated doing anything on time. She knew that she tried her hardest not to act like a real adult most of the time, but this was an adult relationship. 

On paper, she was entirely wrong for Christen, and everyone could see that.

Except Christen was entirely perfect for her.

“They know,” Christen whispered as Tobin kissed the back of her neck. “They see the way I look at you, so they know.”

Tobin’s body tensed, despite her concerted effort to stay relaxed. “Do they… do they like me?” She questioned fearfully.

Christen immediately rolled over and wrapped herself around Tobin. “They _love_ you, Tobin. You know that.”

“But nobody is good enough for their perfect girl,” she grinned. Christen opened her mouth, to say something playful and sassy no doubt, but Tobin had a lot of other things on her mind. She traced her fingers along Christen’s jawline as she spoke quietly. “You take my breath away, Chris. It would be one thing if you were just really good at soccer. But you’re not. You’re driven, and you’re smart, and you’re kind. You’re just so in tune with yourself and what you need, and you’re not afraid to go after what you want. Not to mention, you’re insanely gorgeous. What are you doing with me?” She asked against her favourite pair of lips.

Christen kissed her slowly before she pulled away to speak. “I don’t think you see yourself the way everyone else sees you. The way I see you.” 

_So I call you mine_

Tobin smiled broadly as Christen stepped out of the bathroom in the white robe they had provided her with The Body Issue scrawled across the back in big, red letters.

“Are you nervous?” She asked softly.

Tobin knew that her girlfriend was a very modest person. She wasn’t showy or flashy, she didn’t even particularly enjoy being in a bathing suit. She saw her body as a tool to do her job and that was about it. So Tobin had been pretty taken aback when Christen had told her that ESPN had approached her to do the popular Body Issue, and that she had said yes.

But she also knew that Christen didn’t make any decision impulsively. She wanted to do it to promote body positivity for young girls and self-love, and Tobin thought that was super cool.

Christen shook her head as she moved to sit next to Tobin on the couch. “I’m not nervous for this part. I’m more nervous for the end product.” She sheepishly picked at a thread in the pristine robe as she asked, “Are you okay with this?”

Tobin’s eyes widened at that question. “Of course. It’s your body, baby. This is your decision. I support you.” She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Christen’s mouth. As she pulled away, she brought a hand up to play with the ends of Christen’s wild hair. “You’re beautiful.”

The forward shifted even closer on the sofa and placed a hand on Tobin’s denim clad thigh where she was able to graze skin through some of the rips and holes. “I just know that you can be a little…”

She trailed off and Tobin furrowed her brow in confusion. “A little what?”

Christen faced her with a grin that was almost smug. “Possessive.” Tobin promptly scoffed and Christen chuckled. “Sometimes you get a little jealous!”

“I do not,” she protested as she turned her head.

Christen gripped her chin and forced her to face her piercing green-eyed gaze. “You do, and it’s okay. I’m happy you’re here with me today. I wouldn’t want to do this without you.”

They kissed slowly until Tobin couldn’t ignore her new, nagging thought. “I’m not that jealous, am I?” She asked in a mumble. “I trust you, and I’m confident in what we have. I’m sorry.”

Christen nibbled on Tobin’s lip as she practically giggled – _giggled_! “I kinda like it,” she confessed.

Tobin grabbed her girlfriend’s waist to pull her onto her lap as she processed that interesting piece of information. “Oh really?”

Christen continued to laugh as she draped her arms over Tobin’s shoulders. “You get this look in your eyes,” she explained, “and I know how you feel about me; that it's not about me being your property or anything unreasonable like that. The way you watch me sometimes is really hot.”

The older woman could almost feel her chest puff up and her hands went to the belt of Christen’s robe. “I like watching you.”

“Well it’s a good thing you’re going to watch me pose naked for an entire afternoon, isn’t it?” She kissed Tobin once more before she teasingly pulled away.

Tobin sunk into the couch with a groan as Christen got to her feet. “I don’t even get something to hold me over? No preview? No sneak peek? Nothing?”

Christen laughed again, clearly in a great mood for this exposing photoshoot, and leaned over to kiss her. “How about after we’re done here you can do whatever you want with me?”

Tobin’s response was immediate. “Deal.”

_Can I call you mine?_

“Baby,” Christen whined as she arched her back and tightened a hand in Tobin’s hair. “We made rules.”

“What rules?” Tobin asked grumpily before she returned to sucking on Christen’s collarbone.

“No fooling around at camp,” she supplied breathlessly.

“That doesn’t sound like a rule that I would agree to,” Tobin responded quickly.

Christen chuckled breathlessly, “Well, you did.”

Tobin pulled away and it gave Christen the room to prop herself up on her elbows. “Were you naked at the time?” Tobin questioned with an arched eyebrow. “I must have been distracted because you were naked.”

The forward rolled her eyes. “No, I was not naked.”

“You’re sure?”

Christen slapped her girlfriend’s shoulder with a laugh. “Tobin Heath, I am sure.”

Tobin hummed as her brown eyes drifted over Christen’s torso. “Can we negotiate?”

“Tobin,” she spoke warningly.

Tobin, feeling bold and mischievous, snuck her hand underneath the t-shirt Christen was wearing and ghosted her fingertips along the smooth, warm skin. “Just ten minutes. Gimme ten minutes, baby.” 

Christen repeated her name and squirmed deliciously beneath her.

Tobin grinned as she leaned in for a kiss and pushed her hand past the waistband of Christen’s leggings.

“Ten minutes? That’s all I get?” The raven-haired woman asked breathlessly.

She chuckled against Christen’s mouth. “Well, that’s all I need.”

Christen gasped and flipped her onto her back, straddling her hips. “Someone is feeling quite cocky.”

“Recent evidence supports that—” Christen interrupted her by covering her mouth with a hand.

“If you want to get some, ever again, I suggest you stop talking now.”

Tobin nodded obediently. Her hands held Christen’s waist gently and she looked up at her with what she knew were her best puppy dog eyes.

“It’s a good thing you’re cute,” Christen sighed.

Ten minutes turned into twenty, and twenty turned into thirty, and Christen’s gorgeous head of hair was between her legs when an impatient knock sounded on the door.

“Pressy!” A familiar, annoying voice yelled from behind the door.

Christen scrambled off the bed and gathered all of their discarded clothes. Tobin watched her grab a pair of shorts from a dresser and pull Tobin’s t-shirt over her head. She pulled her hair up into a messy bun, probably hoping to pull off that freshly napped look, and Tobin just laid on the bed with a satisfied smirk.

She knew that Kelley O’Hara’s wonderful one-track mind would give her what she wanted as soon as Christen opened the door.

“A Tar Heels shirt!” The defender shouted in disgust. “You’re killing me, Pressy!”

Tobin’s grin stretched even wider. She was of the opinion that Christen looked incredibly sexy in her clothes, in Carolina blue in particular.

**VIII. Run Away With Me**

_You're stuck in my head, stuck on my heart, stuck on my body_

Tobin had been in long distance relationships before. She had been in relationships separated by continents and oceans. In comparison to that, the distance between Portland and Chicago should have felt minuscule. It was a four and a half hour flight. One thousand, seven hundred, and thirty-nine miles by plane - Tobin had Googled it.

Tobin should be used to this distance, but being away from Christen was killing her. She had never hated playing a regular season and living in Portland so much before.

She just wanted to hold and kiss her girl.

“Baby, I miss you,” she whined into her phone.

“_I miss you too, Tobs,_” Christen giggled. 

Tobin mindlessly walked around her living room, bare of most normal items of furniture, with a soccer ball between her feet. “What are you doing right now?”

“_I’m updating my planner for tomorrow and then I’m going to get ready to go to bed._” 

Tobin stopped moving her feet and placed her right foot on top of the ball. She couldn’t help where her mind went when her girlfriend said the word bed. “And what are you wearing to bed?”

“_Tobin,_” Christen scolded. 

“What?” She asked with a shrug that couldn’t be seen. “I miss you.”

“_You have a dirty mind._”

“It’s not my fault you’re so beautiful.”

Christen laughed, and she could picture her rolling her eyes as she smiled. “_Smooth, Heath, very smooth._”

Tobin hopped over the back of her sofa so that she could lie on her back and stare at the ceiling. “I’ve recently had to up my game you see.”

“_Oh, and why is that?_” Christen played along.

“Welllll,” she dragged out. “There’s this girl I really like, and she keeps me on my toes.”

“_She sounds smart._”

“The smartest.”

They talked on the phone for twenty more minutes, all longing disguised by teasing remarks, until Tobin could hear the sleep creeping into Christen’s voice. She wished her goodnight and sweet dreams before she tossed her phone onto the other side of the couch. She felt like a freakin’ lovesick teenager and if any of her teammates could see her right now she would surely never live it down. She knew that most people thought that she was too cool and easygoing to get this wrapped up in some girl.

But Christen Press wasn’t just _some girl_, and she missed her like crazy.

_Baby, take me to the feeling_

Four days later, when Christen showed up on her doorstep unannounced, Tobin could not get her into the apartment fast enough.

“What are you doing here?” She asked in between sloppy, eager kisses.

Christen pulled back to look at Tobin with a big smile as she played with the hairs at the nape of her neck. “I missed you, and I heard that maybe you missed me?”

Tobin laughed and tugged her into another kiss. “I missed you so fucking much,” she murmured. She kissed the striker against her door until her patience wore thin and she lifted her up by the thighs. Christen made a noise of surprise against her mouth and it allowed her to slip her tongue inside. She secured the dark-haired girl’s legs around her waist before she began to move in the direction of the bedroom.

“Tobin, babe, wait,” she started to protest. “I just got off a plane and I’m so gross.”

“Don’t care,” Tobin responded against her neck. “I just want you.”

“Let me shower first,” she tried to bargain with a chuckle.

Tobin looked up at her with a grin, and quickly changed direction. “Okay!”

They stumbled into the shower with half of their clothes still on and Christen’s laughter at Tobin’s childlike enthusiasm reverberated off of the walls.

_I never want to let you go_

Tobin smiled uncontrollably as she stood at the foot of her bed and stared down at her girlfriend who was still very much asleep. Her long dark hair was everywhere, draped across the pillow and cascading down her shoulders. A sheet covered her from the small of her back down to her ankles, and Tobin just couldn’t stop smiling.

But lately she was always smiling when she was around Christen, and everyone in her life had noticed.

She carefully crawled up the bed and peppered kisses along bare, caramel skin. Strong shoulders. Pronounced spine. The cute dimples above her butt.

She grinned as Christen started to stir and mumble into the pillow beneath her. “Tobin,” she whined, “why are you awake?”

She wasn’t exactly known to be an early riser, but her reason for being awake and alert was obvious. “Because I want to spend every minute I can with you,” she answered honestly.

“So tired,” Christen mumbled. “You wore me out.”

Tobin grinned again, wider and much more mischievous, as she flung the lone bed sheet off of the bed. “You strikers never have any stamina,” she teased.

Christen huffed and turned fully onto her stomach, thinking she was making life more difficult for her rambunctious girlfriend. Clearly having forgotten that it gave Tobin complete, unrelenting access to one of Christen’s greatest assets. 

Tobin slid both of her hands up the back of Christen’s thighs before she palmed her behind. Christen arched into her touch, but it was subtle. Tobin really didn’t mind; she was enjoying herself just fine. She brought her mouth down to those enticing dimples once more, her hands still massaging the firm muscles beneath her hands. 

Christen twitched a little – just a little.

But she squeaked when Tobin nipped the flesh of her butt with her teeth. “Tobin!”

Tobin chuckled and did it again. Christen yelped and weakly kicked at the girl on top of her.

Tobin laughed as she jumped to the top of the bed and wrapped both of her arms around Christen’s shoulders and showered her cheeks with kisses.

“I didn’t realize you were into that kinda thing,” Christen tried to tease.

Tobin responded quickly, “I’m into everything about you, especially your butt.”

Christen turned her neck to give Tobin access to her mouth and then she asked in a husky voice, “You wanna fuck me from behind, baby?”

Tobin groaned loudly. “You’re gonna kill me, woman.” Because Christen could be shy and modest and incredibly sweet, and then she would go and say something like that.

Christen, suddenly full of energy, shoved Tobin onto her back and straddled her waist. “Can you make me coffee?” The woman with her back to the bed nodded slowly. “And pancakes?”

“Whatever you want.”

Christen hummed thoughtfully as she placed both of her hands on Tobin’s strong abdomen. “I kinda want something else first.”

Tobin arched an eyebrow in interest as her signature smile returned. “I thought you were tired?”

“But then someone woke me up,” she retaliated sharply. “May as well make the most of it.” She leaned down and kissed Tobin slowly, a finger trailing along her jawline. “Before I have to catch my flight back to Chicago,” she murmured.

Tobin tightened her hands on Christen’s hips and pulled her closer. “I don’t want to think about you leaving yet.”

Christen kissed her again, slow and a little dirty, as she twisted her fingers in light brown hair. “Okay,” she finally responded, “then just think about me.” 

**IX. There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back**

_I wanna follow where she goes_

Christen loved spending any time that she could with Tobin. It really didn’t matter where they were. During training camps in various cities across the country, they would have quiet moments in hotels and locker rooms. When they were given the opportunity to share the field, it was a special kind of happiness. Competitive, but strangely intimate. They were becoming just as connected on the pitch as they were off of it. When they were in LA, they would spend time walking her dogs and a lot of time on the beach. Tobin would always jokingly complain that she couldn’t believe her California girl didn’t surf. In Portland, she loved the lazy days when they would just drink coffee, when the sun was barely up, while they watched soccer, and then they would take long walks around the city before they virtually locked themselves in the bedroom for the night.

She loved spending time with Tobin, regardless of where they were and what they were doing, but she was not naïve to the fact that only Tobin could get her to partake in certain activities.

Like camping.

It was hard to say no to those puppy dog eyes at times, especially after a big Thorns loss.

She just wanted to see Tobin smile again, even if it was while they were in the middle of the woods.

She wrinkled her nose and adamantly shook her head as she dipped her toe in the lake. “It’s cold, Tobin!”

Tobin, already submerged up to her shoulders, laughed and shook her head. “It’s not that bad when you get in, Chris!”

“No,” she replied stubbornly. “I’ll just stay up here.”

“Christen, come on! I’ll warm you up.”

She took a deep breath before she discarded her shirt, leaving her only in her bathing suit, and then she jumped in the lake with her eyes closed. She squealed as she came up for air and her body recognized the temperature of the water. Tobin had lied and it was just as cold as she had expected it to be.

“Tobin!” She squeaked.

Tobin wrapped her in her arms quickly, a wide smile on her face.

“It is that bad!”

“Now, now,” the midfielder cooed. “Give it a few minutes.”

Christen wrapped her legs around Tobin as well and buried her face in her shoulder. “You are going to cuddle me so hard in that sleeping bag tonight,” she muttered.

Tobin chuckled in her ear. “Of course.”

“Full cocoon, Tobin,” she stated seriously. “All night.”

“I will, babe,” her girlfriend continued to laugh.

Christen continued to shiver, but she couldn’t ignore the sound of Tobin’s laugh.

_And maybe I should stop and start confessing_

Christen insistently tugged on the cuff of Tobin’s long sleeve. “Closer,” she murmured as she got comfortable in the sleeping bag.

Tobin chuckled against the back of her neck. “Right. My cuddling penance.” Tobin worked her arm tightly around her waist and wedged one of her legs in between the taller girl’s. “Is that better?”

Christen hummed in satisfaction and grasped Tobin’s hand on her waist so she could entwine their fingers. “Much better.”

It’s silent for several moments, and Christen thought that Tobin had decided to fall asleep, but then she spoke so softly that she wouldn’t have heard it if they weren’t practically melded together.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For doing this with me,” Tobin elaborated in a whisper.

“Of course,” Christen replied without hesitation. She squeezed Tobin’s hand and she felt a kiss on the back of her neck in reciprocation.

“It’s like you always know exactly what I need,” Tobin continued. “How do you do that?”

Christen thought it was pretty simple really, but Tobin spoke of it as if she were a mind reader. “I just like seeing you happy, Tobin.”

Tobin paused again before she responded, her voice all soft and nervous. “You make me happy.”

With a little effort, Christen rolled over so that they were face to face, and she wrapped her arms tightly around Tobin’s torso. Their legs were still intertwined and their noses almost touched. “You make me happy too,” she smiled.

“I do?” Tobin asked, as if this was an entirely startlingly revelation.

Christen nodded and kissed her softly on the lips - once, twice, three times. She licked her bottom lip before she answered. “Yeah, you do.”

Tobin smiled slowly and Christen couldn’t stop herself from kissing her again.

“But more than happy, you make me feel at peace.”

If possible, Tobin’s signature smile got even wider and her eyes were big and bright. So, Christen kissed her again. She knew what she wanted to say but she wasn’t sure if Tobin was ready to hear it yet.

“You’re magic, Tobin Heath.”

**X. Tell Me You Love Me**

_And all my friends, they know and it's true_

Allie and Lindsay stretched as part of their cool down as they watched Tobin take corner kick after corner kick. They exchanged a look of worry before they averted their gazes. They had seen Tobin have an off practice or two before, but never anything like this. Her crosses were off. Her tempo was off. Her concentration seemed all over the place. No one had said anything, but everyone had noticed. Tobin Heath was almost always focused with a soccer ball at her feet. 

The timing of potentially the worst practice of her career was even more peculiar.

Christen had visited over the weekend, and Tobin was always in a great mood after spending a few days with the Chicago forward. Some quality time with Christen usually resulted in some of Tobin’s best soccer.

Lindsay shot Allie another look as Tobin almost sent a corner kick into the stands.

Allie returned her look with an expression that said “I’ll handle it” before she focused on removing her cleats. She would talk to her friend after she had worked off whatever was bothering her.

Allie took a long post practice shower, and then she watched the rest of her teammates clear the locker room as she patiently waited for Tobin.

The typically easygoing midfielder finally appeared, dragging her body into the locker room. She was sweaty and exhausted, with ice wrapped around her thighs and her socks basically worn through from taking extra laps.

“Hey Harry,” the blonde greeted with a smile.

Tobin acknowledged her with only a tilt of her head before she moved to sit down on the bench in front of her locker.

Allie scooted a little closer and placed a gentle hand on Tobin’s back. “What’s wrong, Harry?” The brunette shook her head, but Allie could see her shoulders caving in and her bottom lip start to tremble. “Tobs,” she whispered. “You’re scaring me.”

Tobin finally spoke, in a sad, broken voice that Allie had never heard before. “I told Christen that I love her.”

Allie gripped Tobin’s shoulder and smiled happily. “Tobin,” she cooed. “That’s awesome. Why are you so sad?”

Tobin turned fully towards her and Allie could see the tears that had welled up in her brown eyes.

“Tobin,” she encouraged.

“I told Christen I love her and she didn’t say it back,” she finally sobbed.

Tobin practically fell into Allie’s embrace so she didn’t see the shocked expression on the blonde’s face.

_Oh, what's my hand without your heart to hold?_

By the time that Tobin made her way back to her apartment all that she wanted to do was crawl into her bed, without an alarm to wake her up. Crying made her tired in a way that soccer never could and every muscle in her body ached.

She stumbled through the door and immediately dropped her bag before she tossed her keys towards the kitchen counter. She sighed loudly at the sound of the keys sliding across the counter and hitting the floor. She neglected to pick them up and simply trotted towards her bedroom.

She stepped into her bedroom without flicking on the light, but there was already a soft glow coming from the bedside lamp and a recognizable figure curled up in her bed. She stood rooted to her spot in the doorway because Christen was supposed to be on a plane right about now.

Her phone made a noise in her pocket – some social media notification – and it caused the girl in her bed to sit up.

“Tobin?” She called softly, and her voice also sounded scratchy from crying.

Tobin had no idea what to say, so she asked the most obvious question. “What are you doing here, Chris?”

The dark-haired girl slipped out of the bed, wearing only a black crewneck sweater that Tobin knew was hers, and slowly walked towards her. “I just couldn’t… I just couldn’t leave things like that. You had to leave for training and we needed to talk, and not over the phone.”

“So you missed your flight?”

“So I missed my flight,” Christen confirmed. She reached out and brushed away the strands of hair that had escaped Tobin’s half-ponytail, half-bun look. “Can I hug you?”

Tobin looked at her unsurely before she finally nodded.

Christen wrapped both of her arms around her shoulders and Tobin reciprocated with a tight hold on her waist. Christen really did give some of the best hugs and she was so sucked in by the smell of her hair and the steady beat of her heart.

They stood near the doorway, in each other’s arms, for several minutes before Christen led Tobin towards the bed so that they could sit down.

“We need to talk about what you said,” Christen began tentatively.

Tobin shook her head as she curled her legs up beneath her. “I can take it back. I’ll take it back and we can pretend it never happened, and we can just go back,” she spoke quickly.

Everything between her and Christen had been going so well, despite their busy schedules, despite the distance. Everything had been going so well and she had gone and ruined it by saying I love you – just like that song her Mom loved. 

Christen raised both of her hands to cup Tobin’s face and her thumbs slowly brushed against her cheeks. “You can’t just take it back. That’s not how it works.”

“I can if I want to,” she replied stubbornly.

Christen chuckled at her girlfriend’s tone. “Tobin, you love me.”

“No, I don’t,” she murmured petulantly, “because you don’t love me back.”

“Tobin,” Christen began with a soft smile, “if you don’t think I love you then you haven’t been paying attention.” 

Tobin’s eyes found Christen’s in a panic. “What?” She questioned. “You love me too?”

The dark-haired woman nodded slowly. “Of course I do,” she whispered. “I think that I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.” Christen brushed Tobin’s hair behind her ears before she continued. “So it kinda scared me when you said it because I wasn’t sure if it meant the same thing to you as it does to me.”

Tobin tilted her head and looked at Christen quizzically, and she knew that she was giving her what Christen would call “her best confused puppy look”.

“It’s no secret that we jumped into this, Tobin,” she explained calmly. “We were already so close as friends that we got hot and heavy pretty fast, and I had been into you for so long whereas you had just gotten out of a pretty serious relationship.”

“None of that changes the way I feel about you,” Tobin interjected.

“Doesn’t it?”

She shook her head confidently. “No, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Not even close.” She felt oddly confident all of a sudden, like all of this was a misunderstanding or a small miscommunication. She felt like she wanted to try again, even if it ended the wrong way, again. She grabbed both of Christen’s hands and smiled for what felt like the first time all day. “I love you, Christen, like a lot.” 

Christen smiled sweetly, one of Tobin’s favourite smiles. “I love you too, you dork.”

Tobin laughed and eagerly pressed her mouth against Christen’s.

_You ain't nobody 'til you got somebody_

Tobin couldn’t suppress her smile as she held Christen while she slept. _She loves me too_ played on a loop in her head, and she couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky she was.

Her life had always been very easy to define. Football was her first love, she would do anything for her family, and she valued her relationship with God. Simple.

Now things felt much more complicated. But not necessarily in a bad way.

She was so in love with the girl in her arms and when they were together she was the happiest that she had ever been. But when they were apart, it was like there was an aching hole in her chest. She had always assumed that it would get easier as their relationship became more comfortable, more serious, but if anything it became worse. She loved living in Portland. Portland was home. But Portland didn’t have Christen.

She needed to do something about that.

“Chris,” she whispered into her girlfriend’s ear.

Christen shifted, murmuring to herself and stretching her limbs. “Gimme fifteen more minutes and then we’ll go again,” she answered with closed eyes.

Tobin laughed and slowly dragged her hand across Christen’s stomach. “That’s not why I’m waking you up, but that’s cool.”

Christen grabbed Tobin’s wandering hand and pulled it to her mouth for a kiss. “What’s on your mind?”

“I want you to move in with me.”

Christen turned onto her back so that they could make eye contact. “You do?” She asked with a smile.

Tobin nodded eagerly. “I don’t want moments here and there anymore. When we’re not in camp, and you don’t have a team obligation, I want you to be here.”

“You want to make me a west coast girl again?” Christen grinned.

She nodded again. “I do. Maybe we could get a dog?”

“Tobin,” Christen gasped, “don’t tease me like that.”

Tobin leaned over her girlfriend and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “You can even redecorate if you want.”

Christen wrapped her arms and legs around the woman above her and whispered huskily, “Stop turning me on.”

Tobin laughed and whispered teasingly, “Matching throw pillows, baby.”

Christen moaned dramatically and Tobin laughed into her shoulder.

“Keep talking dirty to me,” Christen joked.

**XI. Stereo Hearts**

_It beats for you, so listen close_

“I love this game. And I love you.”

An “Awww” escaped Christen’s mouth before she stopped recording a video and tucked her phone into her pocket. She stepped closer to the hospital bed and leaned down to place a soft kiss on Tobin’s forehead. “How are you feeling, sweetie?”

Tobin responded in a voice that indicated that she was still very high on painkillers. “Stellar.”

“Stellar,” Christen repeated quietly to herself as she brushed a hand through Tobin’s hair. “You’re so cute.”

Tobin looked up at her with a dopey smile and reached out to grab her hand. “_You’re_ so cute.” Tobin started to play with her fingers as she chuckled, “Pretty Pressy.”

Christen rolled her eyes as she heard Tobin’s mother laugh from the other side of the bed. “Pretty Pressy?” She asked.

“It was my nickname in college,” she supplied reluctantly.

Tobin turned her head towards Cindy and her eyes widened excitedly, as if realizing that she was in the room for the first time. “Mom! Look at Christen. Isn’t she pretty?” She continued to play with Christen’s long fingers as she murmured, “Pretty fingers.”

“Yeah, Tobs,” Cindy answered with a smile, “she is very pretty.”

“I’m going to get her some water and ice,” Christen said to Cindy as she began to pull away from the bed. Tobin held steadfastly onto her hand and let out a pathetic little whine as she took a step backwards. “I’ll be right back,” she assured.

“No,” Tobin answered with an exaggerated pout.

Christen chuckled to herself as she stepped towards the bed again. Apparently a high Tobin was a clingy Tobin. She leaned in and kissed her girlfriend sweetly on the lips. “I’ll only be five minutes. I promise.”

“You promise?”

She wrapped her pinky around Tobin’s and smiled. “Pinky promise.” Tobin smiled broadly at that response before she pursed her lips for another kiss. Christen indulged her and heard her mutter something about pretty lips as she pulled away.

She giggled to herself as she walked out of the room and heard Cindy scolding Tobin for staring.

“But Mom!” Tobin whined.

_This melody was meant for you_

Christen carefully carried two coffee mugs out onto the balcony of their LA condo and placed them at the table where Tobin was already sitting – hat on and casted foot propped up on a chair with an extra cushion.

“Thanks, babe,” Tobin smiled.

Christen smiled back as she made herself comfortable in the chair across from her injured girlfriend. “How are you feeling?” She asked quietly. She knew that Tobin was going to say that she felt fine, but she looked awfully tired and her eyes were still a little droopy, her body adjusting to her painkillers.

“I’m great. It’s a beautiful day and I’m sitting across from a beautiful woman.”

“The prettiest,” Christen teased.

Tobin blushed as Christen brought up her words from yesterday. “Well, you are,” she said to defend herself.

They made idle chitchat over morning coffee until Tobin began to grow clingy and affectionate once more.

“Baby,” she mumbled with big, sad eyes, “come sit on my lap.”

Christen promptly shook her head. “I don’t want to hurt you. You just had surgery, Tobin.”

Tobin playfully wiggled the toes peeking out of her cast. “I’m protected, see?”

She decided to give in, for at least a few moments, instead of listening to an indefinite amount of begging. She slowly made her way around the table and gingerly placed herself on Tobin’s lap. She attempted to distribute her weight evenly, but Tobin pulled her in close anyway, so that she braced herself on broad, muscled shoulders.

“Hi,” Tobin smiled happily.

Christen looked down at her with a grin and a roll of her eyes. “Hi, Tobin.” She tugged on the hem of the shorts that Tobin was wearing before she traced over the familiar number. “Nice shorts,” she stated with a raised eyebrow.

Tobin leaned in to kiss along her jaw as she responded. “I love being in your shorts, Chris. It doesn’t matter how I get there.”

“So cheesy,” she scoffed. 

“You love it,” Tobin retorted.

“I think you have more shorts with the number twenty-three on them than I do.”

Tobin simple hummed in agreement, too distracted by Christen’s neck and jawline. “Can we go inside?” She eventually asked breathily.

“Your mom is staying with us.”

“So?” Tobin asked. “I just want to cuddle and kiss a little.”

Christen looked down at the hand playing with the waistband of her leggings before she looked into brown eyes. “It seems like you want to do more than cuddle and kiss a little.”

“I’m hurt,” Tobin pouted. “Take care of me.”

She tossed her head back with a laugh. “You’re milking this. I expected more from you, Tobin. I really did,” she teased. She got to her feet, ignoring her girlfriend’s grabby hands. “I’m going to make you some eggs, that’s how I’m going to take care of you.”

Christen smirked to herself as she walked towards the kitchen. She knew that she would give into Tobin sooner rather than later, but she would enjoy teasing her in the meantime.

**XII. Come Home**

_Everything I can't be_

Christen and Tobin rarely fought, not even about trivial things. They had known each other long enough, and had been friends for so long, that they knew how to deal with each other’s quirks and eccentricities. Tobin knew when she needed to allow Christen to plan, when she really needed the organization and structure and simply couldn’t go with the flow. Christen had learned not to be agitated by Tobin’s tendency to zone out or her constant need to be in motion. 

Outside of soccer, they had similar values, but different lifestyles. But they had learned to complement each other, and living together only helped that. It also helped their relationship that they had the same love languages – quality time and physical affection. They deeply valued the time that they spent together and simply didn’t allow little disagreements to ruin that. And when they were together, and alone, they were almost always touching in some capacity. Tobin would place her hand on Christen’s back or thigh while they watched TV. Christen loved running a hand through Tobin’s hair and massaging her scalp when they were cuddled up after clearing away from dinner. A simple touch was enough to reassure the other.

And they were always touching when they were in bed.

They were good at understanding each other without words, and they were mature enough not to use words to hurt each other.

But they had never faced an obstacle like this before.

Christen sat against the headboard, anxiously chewing on her fingernails, as she gave Tobin the physical space that she needed – even if that space was only to the foot of the bed. Her eyes ran over Tobin’s back and shoulders, hunched over from her sitting position, as she replayed some of the words that they had exchanged.

Tobin had accused her of being selfish.

Christen had claimed that Tobin would never understand what she was going through.

Tobin had questioned if they were on the same page about their relationship.

Christen assured her that they were, for possibly the very first time.

Tobin had told her that there were more important things in life than soccer.

Christen had challenged her to say just that.

_“Say it, Tobin! Say that I’m more important to you than soccer!”_

Tobin hadn’t been able to say anything.

The truth was that Christen did feel like Tobin would never understand what she was going through. She would never really understand why Christen felt pulled back to Sweden. Everything had always come so easy for Tobin, as if it was meant to happen exactly that way. A scholarship to the best college program in the country before she was even a senior. Championship after championship. Call up after call up. First overall draft pick. Olympic gold medals. All while Christen had been fighting just to be noticed. All while she had been weighing whether or not to even stick with soccer. All while she had been doubting her love for the game.

Tobin’s talent was special, and everyone around her knew that. A once in a generational talent some analysts said.

Christen wasn’t that gifted, she just wasn’t. Sure she was fast and she could score goals, but the spark was different. So she constantly looked for ways to be better and to elevate her game. And she wasn’t going to get that in Houston.

The silence had stretched on long enough. As she crawled towards the end of the bed, Christen rationalized that it had been long enough for the two of them to cool off and gather their thoughts. She wrapped her arms around Tobin’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I love you,” she whispered.

Tobin, to her credit, responded right away. “I love you too.” She took one of Christen’s hands and pulled it to her mouth. She repeatedly kissed her palm before she spoke again. “You are, you know? You’re more important to me than soccer. You are _the_ most important thing to me.”

Christen could feel tears spring to her eyes again and then her face was pressed against Tobin’s neck. Tobin swiftly pulled her into her lap and hugged her tightly.

“Don’t cry, Chris,” Tobin cooed. “I want you to do this but I don’t want to let you go.”

Tobin’s voice was soft and warm, so different from their argument earlier. Tobin pressed kisses into dark hair and trailed her hands up and down Christen’s back in a hypnotic motion.

“You’re so good to me,” Christen muttered. She pulled back so that she could look Tobin directly in the eyes before she kissed her. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You can’t go to Houston,” Tobin said firmly. “You won’t be happy there.”

Christen opened her mouth to say something that she said often, and it was as if Tobin was reading her mind.

“Your happiness is my responsibility too.” 

_The fight for you is all I've ever known_

She knew that it was the middle of the night in Portland, several hours before Tobin’s alarm would ring, but Christen was unable to wait one minute longer.

“_Chris?_”

Tobin’s voice was sleepy, and husky, and warm, and it sent a shiver racing through her body. “I’m sorry for waking you, baby,” she said softly.

“_’s okay. What’s wrong?_”

She could picture Tobin sitting up in bed and blinking her big, brown eyes. “I really needed to hear your voice.”

“_It’s good to hear your voice too,_” Tobin responded sweetly. “_I miss you._”

“I miss being in our bed.”

Tobin hummed and Christen could hear the smirk in her voice. “_I miss having you in our bed. And in our shower. And on our couch._”

Christen giggled, “That’s not what I meant, Tobs.”

“_I know, but I miss everything._”

Christen rolled over onto her stomach and placed the call on speaker phone. “I miss everything too, Tobin.” It was easy to forget everything else and just focus on football when she was at training and there was a ball at her feet, but when her mind wasn’t on the game it had a tendency to wander to a very specific place and person. She was homesick. As much as she didn’t regret taking this opportunity for her career, she really missed her girlfriend. “I wanna come home.”

“_Baby,_” Tobin sighed. “_You’ll be home soon. I promise. God has a plan._”

Christen frowned to herself as she traced a pattern on her bedspread. Tobin’s relationship with God had always fascinated her. She still didn’t truly understand how Tobin could have complete faith in something that she didn’t completely understand, but she did.

“And what plan is that?” She questioned in a whisper.

“_To be with me,_” Tobin answered confidently.

Three days later, Christen was traded to the Utah Royals.

**XIII. Hesitate**

_Just tell me where to start_

Tobin awoke to the sound of muffled crying. It took a moment for her brain to put two and two together before she rolled over with a frown. She wished that Christen had just woken her up instead of trying to hide her cries in her pillow. All that she wanted to do was hold her girl; Christen didn’t need to shield her from this. Tobin would do anything for her, and she thought that was abundantly clear.

She scooted closer to her girlfriend and pressed a kiss to the back of her head. “Chris,” she whispered. “Just tell me what to do. Tell me what you need.”

Christen reached behind her to grab Tobin’s arm and pull her closer. “Can you hold me?” She whimpered.

“Of course,” Tobin answered without hesitation. 

She wrapped an arm around Christen’s waist and tugged her lithe body backwards until they were pressed together from head to toe. She made sure that Christen could feel supported by every inch of her body. She stroked a hand through Christen’s tangled dark hair as she continued to cry. She hadn’t cried all day, wanting to be strong for her dad and her little sister, but Tobin knew that Christen felt all of her emotions so strongly. She needed to cry in order to process.

Her mom was gone and that wasn’t something that was easy to move on from. Her life was forever changed and Tobin wished that there was more that she could do. Holding her didn’t feel like enough.

She had heard people talk about wanting to take someone’s pain away, and for the first time in her life, she really got it. She knew that she would do absolutely anything if it meant that Christen didn’t have to feel like this.

Christen’s sobs slowly eased against her chest until all that she could hear and feel were soft kisses to the underside of her jaw.

“Thank you,” Christen croaked.

Tobin moved both of her hands to cup Christen’s tear stained face before she spoke. “Whatever for?”

“For being here for me. For being you… You didn’t have to… Thank you,” she sighed.

Tobin pressed a soft series of kisses to Christen’s mouth. “Chris, I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I love you.”

Christen wrapped her in a fierce hug and hitched a leg over her hip so that they were even closer, if that was possible.

After several minutes of silence, Christen spoke again. “She loved you.”

Tobin smiled to herself as her hands continued to rub Christen’s back. “She didn’t the first time we met. I think she thought I was high.”

Christen giggled into her chest – the first real laugh that Tobin had heard from her in days. “She just didn’t know what to make of you, but she knew I had a crush on you. The first time I told her about you I just started stuttering and I couldn’t stop blushing. It was so embarrassing.”

“That is so cute,” Tobin muttered against her forehead.

“She loved watching you play,” Christen added.

“She loved watching you play, Chris.”

Christen started crying again and Tobin just held her. She would hold her for as long as Christen wanted. Preferably forever.

_I thank the oceans for giving me you_

Tobin stepped outside and Morena and Khaleesi immediately circled her legs. She squatted down to give the two pups some much needed attention. “Hey girls,” she said softly. “Have you seen Christen? I’m looking for her.”

Morena tilted her head, as if answering the question, and it made Tobin smile. Of course they would recognize Christen’s name. Khaleesi spun around and barked in the direction of the beach.

“I think you’re on to something,” she muttered to herself as she stood up.

She slowly made her way down to the rocky beach that backed up onto the Press’ property, and, sure enough, Christen was sitting on a large rock with her legs pulled up to her chest. The two dogs raced ahead of her and alerted Christen to her presence. The forward turned to look over her shoulder and offered up a small smile.

Tobin carefully sat down beside her and curled an arm around her waist. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

Tobin tapped a rhythm against Christen’s thigh as she asked softly, “What are you doing down here?”

Christen wrinkled her nose and trapped her tongue between her lips in that completely adorable way that she did when she was really concentrating. “I’m trying to talk to God.”

Tobin’s eyes widened. That wasn’t exactly the answer that she was expecting. She took a deep breath before she happily offered, “Do you want some help?”

Christen grabbed her hand and entwined their fingers. “Tell me what to say,” she replied desperately.

“Whatever you want, Chris.” She pressed a kiss to the side of Christen’s head and spoke in a way that she hoped was supportive and understanding. “God is willing to hear whatever you want to say.”

“Even if I’ve never really done this before?” Christen asked shakily.

“Especially then.”

Tobin talked to God everywhere because she saw God everywhere – the ocean, the soccer pitch, her niece and nephews, Christen’s eyes. It was easy for her to see God in all things so she tried to explain that to Christen in slow, soft words.

“You see God in me?” Christen asked in surprise.

Tobin answered without missing a beat. “Of course. How could I not? You’re so kind and caring, and loving. It’s a sign of God’s love for me that he brought you into my life.”

Tobin was a tad taken aback when Christen pressed a firm kiss to her lips, but then she squeezed her hand and spoke shyly. “Pray with me?”

“Of course,” she answered with a broad smile.

**XIV. She Looks So Perfect**

_You look so perfect standing there_

Tobin leaned against the wall of the tunnel with her hands in her pockets and the brim of her black 23 hat pulled down low on her head. She could hear the familiar clicking of cleat spikes against concrete but she knew that Christen was always one of the last players off of the field without fail. She was so amazingly kind to her fans, and she honestly couldn’t blame the rapidly growing national infatuation with her girlfriend. She was a fan too.

She was pretty sure that she had seen every Royal except the one that she was looking for, some of them throwing casual quips her way, and every member of the staff before Christen finally appeared. The dark-haired girl skipped towards her, cleats noticeably absent from her feet, and Tobin was quick to bring her into a hug.

Christen quickly pulled away and brushed both of her hands over her hair. “I’m all sweaty,” she protested.

“That’s okay. I like you sweaty. Good game, babe.” Tobin reached forward and grasped the zipper of the Royals quarter zip-up that Christen was wearing. She didn’t have to pull down the zipper very far to discover that Christen was only wearing a sports bra underneath. “Are you taking off your clothes again?” She teased.

Christen shrugged with a playful smile. “It’s what the people want.”

“I bet it is,” she muttered mostly to herself.

Christen placed both of her hands on Tobin’s abdomen and pushed her backwards with a carefree laugh. “Jealous?”

The midfielder shook her head. “Just wondering when I get my strip tease. Do I have to ask you to sign something for me?”

Christen pushed her again before she began to walk towards the locker room. Just before she opened the door, she sent a flirty wink over her shoulder and it made Tobin lick her lips. They were definitely not finished that conversation.

_'Cause all I really want is you_

Tobin laughed breathlessly as Christen pushed her back onto the bed and she placed her hands on her knees. Her hat had already been plucked from her head and Christen was standing in front of her in black lingerie. Skimpy, lacy, black lingerie. Her hair was down and curly, still a little damp from the shower that she had taken at the stadium and she smelled like the vanilla body lotion that she always used after games.

“God,” Tobin groaned, “you are so sexy.” 

“How do you want me?”

Tobin groaned again as her eyes fluttered closed. “Fuck. I just want you. My brain hasn’t thought that far ahead yet.”

Christen chuckled as she stepped forward and placed both of her hands on Tobin’s shoulders. “Tell me.”

She grinned as her hands found her girlfriend’s hips. Christen loved it when she was talkative in bed, especially when it was about what Tobin wanted to do to her. She trailed her fingers along the edges of Christen’s panties as she contemplated. She licked her lips, definitely in an exaggerated fashion, before she spoke again. “I want to fuck you with the strap on tonight.”

Christen practically squealed as she leaned over to give her a sloppy kiss. “Yes, please,” she breathed between kisses.

Tobin found what she was looking for in Christen’s dresser before she walked into the adjoined bathroom to get ready. She stripped down to pull on the harness, but then she pulled her boxers back up over her hips – thinking that Christen would find that a little sexy.

She returned to the bedroom to find Christen lying in the middle of the bed, still in her lingerie, but with a hand between her legs. Tobin crawled up the bed with a grin and started to nibble on the corner of Christen’s jaw. “I didn’t say you could touch yourself, baby,” she whispered.

“It’s been weeks, Tobin,” Christen whined.

“So impatient,” she chided. Christen huffed as both of her hands moved to grip Tobin’s sides. “That’s my good girl.” Tobin rewarded her with a firm kiss and a promise that she fully intended to keep. “I’ll take care of you.”

Tobin took her time, undressing her slowly and kissing every inch of dark skin. By the time that Christen straddled her hips and sunk down onto the toy, she was panting and slick, and desperate, and scratching at Tobin’s abs.

“Christ, Chris,” she moaned. She gripped her hips to help guide her movements, but she was pretty distracted. By Christen’s wild hair, and the way her abdomen tensed, and the way her breasts moved. “Oh fuck.” Tobin sat up with a grunt, bringing their bodies even closer together, and every movement made the harness rub against her in the most teasing way. She slipped an arm around Christen’s waist so that it fully encircled her body and her other hand tangled in her hair. She kissed up her neck and along her jaw before she joined their mouths. “Can you come for me?” She asked in a whisper.

Christen keened and rocked her hips forward. She struggled to form words but Tobin could make out her name and please, over and over again. She was close and Tobin knew exactly what she needed.

Tobin pressed her mouth to Christen’s ear. “I love you so much. You’re so freakin’ sexy. And perfect. And mine.”

And then she pulled on her hair.

Christen orgasmed with a loud cry and Tobin held her though her aftershocks. She gently maneuvered them onto their sides and kissed all over Christen’s face.

“My pretty girl,” she murmured with a smile.

Christen hummed and wrapped her arms around Tobin’s shoulders. “You’re so, so good at that.”

“Did you forget?” Tobin teased.

“A little bit,” Christen teased back.

Tobin chuckled as she carefully pulled out of Christen while kissing her. In all of the post-World Cup craziness, and getting back to their club teams, and the Victory Tour, and Christen taking CEO meetings for their new company, it had been a while. Way too long actually. They had spent far too much time flying across the country and surrounded by teammates to find time to be alone.

“Well I can’t have that.”

“What are you doing?” Christen asked with a loud giggle as Tobin rolled her over onto her stomach.

Tobin smirked as she nipped at the back of Christen’s neck and the tops of her shoulders. “I wanna fuck you so hard you can’t walk tomorrow,” she husked. “Maybe then you won’t forget.”

_And I know now, that I'm so down_

Tobin woke up early the next morning to make coffee, and she found a disgruntled Rachel Corsie in the kitchen.

“Good morning, Corsie,” she greeted happily.

“Morning, Heath.”

The midfielder raised an eyebrow. “You okay there?”

The Scottish woman took a deep breath before she rounded on Tobin with a glare. “You know, Heath, I like it when you visit because you make Pressy smile and we watch the Premier League together, but I really hate it when you visit.”

“What? Why?”

“I thought coming home at two in the morning would be late enough to save me from your sexcapades. Apparently I was wrong!”

Tobin bit down on her bottom lip and looked down at her bare feet to contain her laughter. “Sorry,” she apologized half-heartedly. “I missed her and she played great last night.”

Corsie rolled her eyes. “You’re a teenage boy, you’re completely distracted by just a swish of Pressy’s ponytail.”

The Thorns midfielder shrugged her shoulders. Corsie wasn’t exactly wrong.

They both turned their heads as they heard the opening and closing of a door down the hallway. Christen padded into the kitchen in sleep shorts and one of Tobin’s sweaters. She reached for the mug of coffee sitting on the island with a bright smile.

“Did you make me coffee, Tobin?”

Tobin stepped towards her and nuzzled her neck in greeting.

“No, she didn’t!” Corsie exclaimed. “I did!”

Christen looked at her roommate with another beaming smile. “Thanks, Rach.”

“Well Pressy,” she returned, “you’re positively glowing this morning.”

Christen blushed as she looped an arm around Tobin’s waist. “Always happy the morning after a good game.”

“Uh huh, sure,” Corsie replied sarcastically.

Tobin knew that she was giving Corsie further ammunition as she played with the hair escaping Christen’s bun while she watched her drink her coffee. She was completely distracted and enamoured. And replaying images from the night before. But it wasn’t her fault – she couldn’t help that her girlfriend was stunning, and captivating, and somehow just as into her.

Corsie interrupted the conversation that she was having with Christen to hit Tobin’s arm. “Could you at least wait until I’m not here before you jump her?”

“I wasn’t doing anything,” Tobin retorted defensively.

Corsie rolled her eyes yet again and started to walk backwards towards her bedroom. "I’m going to hang out in my room, where I will be catching up on my shows with my headphones in, with the volume up really _really_ loudly.”

Tobin grinned triumphantly as she leaned in for a proper good morning kiss. She slipped both of her hands underneath the sweater and pressed her fingers into caramel skin.

Christen placed her hands on Tobin’s neck and kissed her back enthusiastically. “Good morning, honey,” she spoke in a voice already laced with arousal. “I am sore in the best way,” she confessed with a blush dusting her cheeks.

She smirked as she dropped her hands to cup Christen’s perfect ass. “How about we take a bath?”

Before Christen could respond, a voice sounded from down the hall. “Pressy! Don’t forget to tell Tobin who you belong to! She seems to like that!”

The flush on Christen’s cheeks darkened a shade, and all that Tobin could do was laugh.

**XV. Still Into You**

_I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you_

Tobin tossed her head back with laughter and her hand settled on Christen’s thigh below the table as Pinoe recalled her interpretation of the events during their latest meeting with U.S. Soccer.

“Your girl is a boss bitch, Tobs.”

Christen laughed with a roll of her eyes, but a blush tinged her cheeks.

“Must be that Stanford education,” Pinoe continued. “She’s way too good with words.”

Tobin beamed with pride as Pinoe continued talking to their small group. Ash, Ali, and Alex listened intently, and Ash and Ali cut in with a question or two, all while Tobin sat and listened, and watched Christen. It still amazed her how she felt such overwhelming emotions whenever Christen did… anything, really. She thought that it was something that would dull over time – how excited she got when Christen scored a goal, how proud she felt when someone gave her a compliment, how possessive she felt when she caught someone staring, how quickly aroused she was when Christen trailed her fingers along the inside of her wrist – but it felt exactly the same as it had almost five years ago. 

Was it ever supposed to go away? Maybe with the right person she could feel this way for a lifetime.

She snapped out of her thoughts when Christen whispered in her ear. “What are you thinking about?”

“I just got in my head a little,” Tobin answered.

Christen kept tracing the inside of her wrist as she smiled softly. “It’s okay. It’s been a long day. Do you want to go back to the hotel room?”

“After dessert,” she grinned.

They did just that and walked to their hotel after saying goodbye to their friends. As soon as they entered the lobby, Tobin grabbed Christen’s hand and entwined their fingers.

“I’m really proud of you.”

Christen turned her head in surprise as she pressed the button to call the elevator. “Why? Not that I don’t think you’re proud of me,” she added with a laugh as they stepped into the elevator. “But what specifically are you talking about?”

Tobin rested her head against the back wall of the elevator and allowed her eyes to travel the length of the body of the woman standing across from her. Christen did look ridiculously sexy in the black pantsuit and grey blouse she was wearing. “You just keep amazing me.”

Christen smiled, sweet and soft, and then she was dragging Tobin out of the elevator and toward their room. Once inside, Tobin was pushed against the door and an ‘oof’ escaped her mouth.

“Is this what you’re like in the boardroom?” She asked huskily.

Instead of answering her, Christen’s eyes twinkled mischievously and she pushed a hand inside Tobin’s slacks, and inside her boxers.

“Oh shit,” she gasped.

Christen giggled against her throat and ran her tongue along her jawline. “Are you trying to say something, Tobs?”

Tobin shook her head and rocked her hips forward, hoping to encourage her girlfriend’s long fingers.

“Stay still,” Christen told her assertively.

Tobin’s breath hitched and her eyes widened. “I like you all bossy.”

Christen arched an eyebrow and tilted her head in intrigue. “Oh really?” 

Tobin swallowed before she said, “I think I’d let you boss me around forever.”

Christen kissed her passionately and _finally_ moved her fingers.

_Baby not a day goes by that I'm not into you_

Christen propped herself up on her elbows and watched her girlfriend sleep next to her. She knew that her racing mind woke her up this morning but she wanted to allow Tobin a few more minutes of sleep. And she looked so cute. Her lips were especially pouty in her sleep.

It was only a few minutes later when Tobin spoke in a deep, sleepy voice. “I can hear you thinking, Chris.”

“Go back to sleep.”

“I can’t now.” Tobin stretched her long limbs before she scooted closer and tangled their legs together. “What’s wrong?”

Nothing was wrong. In fact everything was very right. She was just reading too much into things, which she tried to do less and less every day. She was a tad afraid to broach the subject on her mind with Tobin because it almost felt too good to be true.

“Last night,” she began tentatively.

A grin slowly spread across Tobin’s face until it was one of her blinding, intoxicating smiles. “Which part?”

“Not the dirty parts,” Christen quickly corrected. “When you said you’d let me boss you around forever? Was that your very roundabout, Tobin way of bringing up marriage?”

Christen bit down on her bottom lip nervously as the silence hung between them. She honestly had no idea what Tobin’s reaction to this conversation would be. It wasn’t something that they had ever talked about before, but it was something that Christen had thought about long before they were even together. She had always wanted a family – kids, dogs, a big house on the beach. And it was very easy for her to imagine that with Tobin because Tobin was so kind and happy, so attached to everything about the water, and so good with children. Christen melted a little every time she saw Tobin with her niece and nephews, but Tobin had never mentioned a desire to have children of her own. They lived together, but Tobin had never mentioned marriage, or a wedding, or an engagement. Tobin seemed perfectly content with their life right now and what if Christen didn’t want that forever?

“Well, first of all, when I said that your hand was down my pants so it was a little dirty. Second of all, no.”

“Oh, okay.” She looked away so that Tobin couldn’t see her completely downtrodden expression, and then she started to slip out of the bed. “Just clarifying. I am going to do some yoga and then I’m going to get in the shower. You should go back to sleep.” 

“Chris, wait.” Tobin reached out to grab her wrist and tug her back into bed. Her voice got really soft as she pulled her even closer with a hand on her jaw. “I didn’t mean to upset you, baby. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not upset,” Christen lied.

“I know when you’re upset,” Tobin argued gently. “I only meant that when I propose to you I hope that it will be a lot more romantic than that.”

“_When_ you propose to me?”

Tobin nodded confidently. “I have plans.”

“You have plans?” She questioned with a laugh. “Tobin Heath doesn’t make plans.”

“Yeah, but Christen Press loves plans,” she countered with a grin.

They kissed softly until Tobin spoke again. “Chris, I can practically hear your internal monologue. How could I not want to marry you? I love you.”

“We’ve just… well, we’ve never talked about it,” she answered unsurely.

Tobin tugged her underneath her in one smooth motion and pressed their foreheads together. “I thought we didn’t need to. I thought it was unspoken. Inevitable.”

Christen shivered at the look that Tobin was giving her. It was full of love and desire, and hope. “As anxious as all that uncertainty makes me, it is also strangely romantic.”

“You’ve always felt so familiar to me. Maybe I’ve taken that for granted.” 

"I've never had any doubts about you either," she replied honestly.

Tobin grinned excitedly before she asked a question that would change their lives.

"Then what are we waiting for?"


End file.
